Are Me and My Boyfriend Compatible?
I’ve seen a lot of people over on YouTube take this test. The enneagram test is another personality test but has been a popular one for couples to take together as you can find out your compatibility as a couple through your individual test scores.
SO, me and Jonny both took this enneagram test, and these are the results that we got. I will go through our individual types and then our results as a couple, so you can read it all if you’d like (which I would appreciate) or you can skip to where you’re interested in.
I turned out to be given the title of “Type 2 – The Helper”. Type twos are described as “empathetic, sincere, and warm-hearted. They are friendly, generous, and self-sacrificing, but can also be sentimental, flattering, and people-pleasing. They are well-meaning and driven to be close to others, but can slip into doing things for others in order to be needed. They typically have problems with possessiveness and with acknowledging their own needs. At their Best: unselfish and altruistic, they have unconditional love for others.”
This I read and say, yes, 100% that is me. I do have this constant need to be loved and for everyone to like me - even though I know that it’s not really possible for everyone to like you– and I always have done. They say that a type 2’s basic fear is “a fear of being unwanted and unworthy of being loved” and that their basic desire is just to “feel loved.”
Mmmhm… moving on.
They go on to say that “when Twos are healthy and in balance, they really are loving, helpful, generous, and considerate. People are drawn to them like bees to honey. Healthy Twos warm others in the glow of their hearts. They enliven others with their appreciation and attention, helping people to see positive qualities in themselves that they had not previously recognized. In short, healthy Twos are the embodiment of “the good parent” that everyone wishes they had: someone who sees them as they are, understands them with immense compassion, helps and encourages with infinite patience, and is always willing to lend a hand—while knowing precisely how and when to let go.”
I do think that we’re all drawn to certain people, and I think that I’m actually drawn to people who need help. I’ve made a few friendships straight off the bat while they’re going through tough situations, whether that be a breakup or a rough mental health patch. I’m always very much the mumsy type – I give great hugs and pretty good advice when you need it, although I don’t like to insert myself into people’s lives if they may not want me there. I’m very respectful of boundaries and don’t want to overstep. The annoying thing about this is that people aren’t always the nicest, and I end up losing friends who don’t see how much of my time I’ve given to them and refuse to give it back or in fact acknowledge the person that I’ve been for them at all.
Having said that, the test results go on to say that “average to unhealthy Twos seek validation of their worth by obeying their superego’s demands to sacrifice themselves for others. They believe they must always put others first and be loving and unselfish if they want to get love. The problem is that “putting others first” makes Twos secretly angry and resentful, feelings they work hard to repress or deny.”
Secretly angry and resentful sounds like a nod to what I literally just said. While I do want to help, there’s another side of me that also now knows my own worth, and I’m worth more than being used and thrown away, which is something I experienced a lot through my early teens but will no longer stand and take.
Jonny turned out to be a “Type 1 – The Reformer”. One’s are described as “conscientious and ethical, with a strong sense of right and wrong. They are teachers, crusaders, and advocates for change: always striving to improve things, but afraid of making a mistake. Well-organized, orderly, and fastidious, they try to maintain high standards, but can slip into being critical and perfectionistic. They typically have problems with resentment and impatience. At their Best: wise, discerning, realistic, and noble. Can be morally heroic.”
If anyone follows Jonny on twitter, you’ll know he doesn’t shy away from presenting his opinions on anything from the Kardashians to international politics. I also know that he is very serious about anything he loves, especially anything to do with music. He is always trying to push forward to the next level and do everything to his best ability. When Jonny read that he said “Damn if that ain’t me. I think a lot of that is spot on. I’m not necessarily wise and I’m not much of a teacher, but the strong sense of right and wrong is definitely correct because the way I look at things is very black and white.”
They say that a type 1’s basic fear is “being corrupt/evil, defective” and that their basic desire is to be “good, to have integrity and to be balanced”. Jonny said “I can’t say I’ve ever had a fear of “being corrupt” but I guess “defective” applies. I’m afraid of not amounting to anything, but on the flip side I always desire to do a good job.”
They go on to say that “ones have a “sense of mission” that leads them to want to improve the world in various ways, using whatever degree of influence they have. They strive to overcome adversity—particularly moral adversity—so that the human spirit can shine through and make a difference. They strive after “higher values,” even at the cost of great personal sacrifice.” Jonny said “I’m not sure that 100% applies to me, but I’d like to think that it does in some ways. I would like to help influence people through music and being politically outspoken. I suppose that does come with some personal sacrifices of leisure, time and money.”
The article also says that “ones often persuade themselves that they are “head” types, rationalists who proceed only on logic and objective truth. But, the real picture is somewhat different: Ones are actually activists who are searching for an acceptable rationale for what they feel they must do. They are people of instinct and passion who use convictions and judgments to control and direct themselves and their actions.” Later on they say that “ones believe that being strict with themselves (and eventually becoming “perfect”) will justify them in their own eyes and in the eyes of others. But by attempting to create their own brand of perfection, they often create their own personal hell.”
Jonny is very strict with himself, which is evident through his straight edge status. He does not drink alcohol nor consume drugs. After reading that Jonny said “Fu*king spot on. I always push myself to be better – pushing for perfection – and it stresses me out. Big time. I also feel that I do act of instinct a lot and I do base a lot of my actions on my personal convictions and judgement.”
Our Results as a Couple
The site says that “enneagram Ones and Twos are a complementary couple since both offer the other the example of their own qualities.” which is cute af. We are a bit of a power couple, not to show off or anything, but we’re pretty cool.
They go on to say that “people in this kind of relationship are often unusually mature and independent and able to obtain their emotional needs from a variety of people and connections, including their professional ones. They bring high ideals, strong ethical standards, and the desire to serve others to the relationship itself, keeping the relationship strong and in touch with solid values and practical perspectives.” I like this as a description of us as a couple. We are both very mature for barely 20 - we handle our arguments very well, and I think that that’s because after the initial anger, we are very adult in the way that we deal with our own and one another’s feelings.
Later they say that “the relationship is built around shared values: both are on a path of some kind together. Twos bring the nurturing and feelings that Ones do not easily allow themselves: they help Ones soften and relax. On the other hand, Ones bring integrity, conscientiousness, responsibility, and consistency. They are steady, reliable, and truthful.” You know when you read things and you’re convinced that it’s just about you and only you, like whoever wrote it must be watching you? That’s this. Jonny can be very defensive and a bit harsh sometimes and I’m usually able to help him see a different perspective and explain the bits of the situation he may not see straight away. He is like my rock. He’s the first person I go to for advice and for help, or for an emotional pick me up when I’m feeling shitty. He’ll always tell me what he thinks about my blog posts and even give me ideas that will help me make them better when he can.
Further on the article says that “both Ones and Twos find it difficult to talk about what they are actually feeling, what is actually going on in the relationship, and what they actually want. In this kind of relationship, there are often ulterior motives and unstated agendas, with no one able to admit that they are not getting what they want—much less that they might not be happy or fulfilled. For both, getting what they want feels selfish and forbidden. Ones can begin to feel disappointed by the Two's tendency to give so much of themselves to others and to be so unregulated regarding time and attention. Twos can seem to Ones to be everywhere else serving on yet another committee or charitable group but in the home or at their job, fulfilling their primary responsibilities.” I couldn’t disagree more with this. As I’ve already said, we’re pretty good at arguments and talking through our problems. If we’re not happy we communicate that – communication is key, otherwise you just end up with one or both parties unhappy. I don’t feel unhappy with Jonny having multiple commitments. He has a lot of stuff going on pretty much all of the time, but I know that if I need him all I have to do is ask to see him and he’ll be there because we understand our priorities.
I asked Jonny what he thought about our relationship results. He thought that “It’s kinda right. I know that we have a strong relationship even with distance, since we’ve been together such a long time and we’re both really understanding when we can’t do stuff on the regular days that we see each other due to work/goals. You have helped me soften and relax and I definitely think we have similar ethics and ideals too.” He added “I think maybe sometimes we don’t talk about our feelings with each other enough, but we always get through any problems.”
SO, that’s it! Thanks for reading, you can take the enneagram test for free via this link! Leave me a comment and let me know what type you are – we can see how compatible we are! Also thank you to Jonny for doing this with me and you can follow him over on twitter and Instagram x
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